We call it love. It feels like love. But how does one really fall in love?
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different hormones and chemicals found inside the body.
The first stage in falling in love is Lust. This stage is controlled by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen – in both men and women. Psychologists have shown that it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. Their research has shown this has little to do with what the person tells you, rather: 55% is through body language, 38% is the tone and speed of their voice and only 7% is through what they say.
The second stage is Attraction. This is the time when you claim that you are “love-struck” and you spend all your time thinking about that significant person. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters[1] are involved here: adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. How do these chemicals affect human love? The initial stage of falling for someone activates one’s stress response; this leads to an increase in blood levels of adrenaline and cortisol.[2] Adrenaline is responsible for that weird moment when one sees the person he/she loves and starts to sweat, the heart races and the mouth goes dry. Fisher examined the brains of newly “love-struck” couples and found out that it both have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure in the person’s mind. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine. So what they say about love being addicting is indeed true. This is also the same reason why people in love have increased energy, less need for sleep or even food, focused attention and unexplainable delight in the littlest of things. Serotonin, on the other hand, is responsible for the moments when the one you love keep popping unintentionally in your mind.
Finally, the last stage is Attachment. This is the bond which keeps couples together long enough for them to live together and raise children. Scientists think there are two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment - oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin is the hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It makes couples feel much closer to each other after making love. Vasopressin is the chemical that causes the couple to be faithful and devoted to each other.
So what is the best and easiest way to fall in love? York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, enumerated three steps. First, find a complete stranger. Second, reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour. And third, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes. He conducted an experiment and asked his subjects to carry out the 3 steps. He found that many of the couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.
Love is a complex but universal subject. How it happens was unknown before, but thanks to the scientists, the reasons have now come to light.
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