Counting Airplanes
With eyes impassive and an expression so unreadable, I stare at the enigmatic soul sitting by my side in a hanging swing beneath the moon and the stars. The thumping of my heart is very much deafening that I swear he could hear it from inches away. I move a little to the right and feel his hand brush against mine. Even in the cold January wind, this mere touch generates an electrifying rush all over my body. The sensation feels familiar, so familiar that I cannot be inaccurate about it; it is that same exact feeling I had thirteen months ago.
He was my block mate in College. Fresh from High School, I was as timid as a five year old child crossing the highway at the first day of our classes. I kept my head bowed but when he passed by my seat, I cannot help but take a glance at him. He had evocative eyes; eyes powerful enough to let my gaze stay longer than a minute. He had an adorable nose, dark skin and contagious smile. He was only a few inches taller than me – this is a surprise to me for I am typically attracted to those with towering heights. He was good-looking in general and I knew that day that I had this thing they call a crush on him.
As the days passed by, I became closer and more attached to him. He was a trustworthy friend, an open-minded listener and a light-hearted companion. He was also good in the English language and I had a weakness for fluent tongues. Every moment spent with him was like riding a rollercoaster – exhilarating, invigorating and thrilling. I knew that there were other people waiting in line to take the ride, too, but I was selfish. I wanted to keep the ride to myself; I wanted to keep him to myself. The desire to call him mine was just too intense, too passionate that I was willing to do anything to have him.
I kept admiring the way he makes everyone feel comfortable with his jokes. I liked talking to him in the wee hours of the morning albeit there is a 7:00 AM class later that day. I kept seeing him everywhere – even in my dreams and my imagination, places he should not be dwelling in. I avoided missing him in every possible way, but I raised the white flag eventually.
It was bizarre the way he would cross my mind a billion times a day. It was even stranger when I started drawing hearts on any kind of paper within my reach. In time, he made me fall faster than a meteorite crashing down on earth. He made me feel superhuman - I could do anything I wanted to do just as long as his hand was holding mine.
When he finally told me one day that he felt the same way that I do, I was plain ecstatic and euphoric. Images of bliss and affection started weaving at the back of my head. The future looked brighter just knowing that he was finally here to fill the empty seat beside me.
I was very happy until he changed his mind. Impermanence was a term I strongly avoided but a proposition he decided on without me. He gradually grew cold towards me until he said goodbye. I got disappointed in the end. He gave me false hopes and I ended up with nothing. I got hurt but I was thankful. He taught me to put up walls around me so I could discern reality from expectations. I became a stronger, wiser and rational person.
Tonight, he might be coming back in my life for unknown reasons, but I am sure of one thing. This time, I am using my head to save my heart from wounds and bruises. Who knows, maybe a second chance is coming for us. Until then, I am staying here, counting airplanes with him.
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